When they break the rules
Instead of breaking me
That’s when I will be
But eye contact burns!
That’s what I told her. I will not say her name, because I cannot remember and she would get fired. Her hair was in a ponytail, like mine, and unlike me she wore makeup.
That is not why she’s beautiful, not why any human being is. Truly, it’s because of what she did that day, as an ABA therapist. I’m sure she never thought of it that way, or if she had, she definitely was not like most humans.
She turns her head around, quickly, a few times.
Instead of looking at my eyes, how about my forehead and nose? She asks. I nod, but am still confused, and so I laugh.
Like the Bermuda Triangle? But people are going to notice that! I claim. I mean all people, but she interprets that a bit differently. She refutes back that they will not. None of the other staff will.
I mentally freak out for a minute and ask how long do I have to stare?
Five seconds is the reply. So I try, but after about three seconds I laugh again. This isn’t going to work. I claim again. It will. Is all she says.
It finally works, for about five seconds. Which is nice.
When they break the rules
Instead of us
And we can be ourselves
Without a fuss
The next day, I’m forced to interact with the blondie. She’s not as beautiful. She has me do toddler-level homework on facial expressions. She does this stupid role-playing session and does exaggerated faces, and I’m pissed. I tell her I’m fucking done with this and walk out.
The brunette with the ponytail is walking by, and is about to move before the blondbitch calls for her to block the door. I struggle before the brunette says I have no choice. I feel betrayed. The next day in school, I complain to my friend.
And I mean, bitch, please! Do you really think I can’t read facial expressions?! I’m going to university this year!! It’s so easy to do pieces of paper, YOU try reading faces in real-life context with my brain and maybe you’ll see how it feels.
But in hindsight, I wonder? I wonder if she meant I have no choice
because if I side with you, explicitly, I can get fired. I have to make a living and my license can be taken away from me. And when I think about this, it makes more sense.
Maybe it’s pure coincidence, but now I’ll never know, will I? Not that I would have been able to outright ask her about that.
There’s Nothing About Us Without Us
And our brains do have a plus
The logic behind them
The things you cannot see
And when they break the rules
Instead of you or me
The steel chains
Will light on fire
The Phoenix wings
And we will all fly free